Sunday, July 20, 2008

iPhone 3G

My first week as an iPhone owner is coming to an end, and I'm sorry to
say that it has fallen horribly short of my expectations.

The whole "twice the speed" crap is a straight up lie. I have been
getting better results from the edge network by far, even for simple
tasks like refreshing my email inbox. It could be the fact that I live
in one of the busiest cities in the world, which no doubt puts a
strain on the network, but if your products main feature is speed and
you advertise it as such, then I say you'd best come with the speed or
not come at all.

And then there's the gps, which is actually a really cool feature...
when you actually get a signal, that is. If you're under any
structure, such as, oh, I don't know, say... A CAR ROOF OR SOMETHING,
you can pretty much forget finding your location. Additionally, I
think it works together with the Internet, which as I've
already mentioned is pretty spotty. Even as a telephone it sucks. I have trouble receiving my text messages, and hearing someone in that terrible earpiece is damn near impossible.

And then there's the battery life. The iPhone battery life is actually quite good if
you don't actually ever use it. But if you plan on playing with the
iPod or apps or even actually use it as a telephone, you better be
prepared to have a charger at home, at the office, in the car or
anywhere else you might possibly take this thing because that little
battery icon in the top right corner goes from green to red faster than the signals when Jimi Hendrix is stuck in crosstown traffic (completely irrelevant music reference).

So is there anything good about it? Well, it looks nice.

All I'm saying is that the next generation better come with video chat, broadband speed Internet and a free blowjob because this bullshit was not worth the five hour wait in line.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

First mobile entry

Off the Stoop is officially mobile with the arrival of my new iPhone. You may now rejoice.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Hey guys? Can we pull together a quick 10 mil for Hillary?

I heard on the news today that Barack Obama attended a fundraiser event, gave a great speech, and was later reminded by an aide that he had forgotten something. That something?

That Hillary Clinton is still in debt for $10 million, for a campaign that she took on, that everyone wanted her to end, that she carried on for months after the race was really over...

And could use some help paying it back.

What the hell kind of system is it that people chip in to help you pay back $10 million in debt? I have certainly never been in a system like that, though it sounds very nice. Imagine never wanting something, anything at all, from a Porsche to a candy bar, but not getting it because it cost money.

"Hmm... today, I think I'll get a Yellow Porsche convertible and drive it up to my mountain villa to pick up a flat screen television and some high end stereo equipment right before I jet off to the French Riviera. How do I afford it? Who cares? I'll just ask all my friends to pay the bills."

Bad news: everything is nothing. Don't shoot the messenger.

Saturday, July 05, 2008

The Day I Didn't Wake Up

July 5th, 2008.

Last night's festivities have rendered me in a state of waking sleep. My eyes open, my faculties alert, I've been to Manhattan and back, achieved a sufficient number of tasks for a Saturday, and yet... I don't feel like I've actually woken up yet. It feels like there's a glaze over my eyes, like the membrane a crocodile uses to protect his eyes when he goes underwater. And all I can think about is sleeping again.

It's almost 8 pm, and I just finished an eggplant parm sub from Peppino's. Impressive for someone who's not even awake yet.

Friday, June 27, 2008

Cold War Kids

Going to see them tonight. Prospect Park. 7 PM. Also a guy named Elvis Perkins who sounds like he's worth checking out.

Full review on Monday, no doubt.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

The Return Of.

Went away. Now I'm back.

"Hello."

Much has changed since last I wrote:
  • I live by myself now. I moved into a one bedroom apt just a few blocks from my old place where I have taken the bold move of giving up television.
  • I managed to adopt a mother pigeon and her two babies on my balcony, but with a little salt, pepper, and KC Masterpiece, I can already see the situation resolving in my favor.
  • The Indiana Jones movie came out and apparently wasn't worth seeing (which is why I didn't see it).
  • I joined a gym, and I'm seriously going to go a lot this time. Seriously.
  • Barack Obama clinched the Democratic nomination at the same time that John McCain clinched his bladder to avoid pissing himself.
  • I got tickets to see Bob Dylan ribbit at Prospect Park in August.
  • And of course, summer has arrived, and with it, barbecues on the roof, outdoor concerts, and the slew of restraining orders that come with staring too hard at women in thin sundresses.
Of course, some things are still the same. I'm still in advertising, convincing people that their lives will somehow be improved if they buy a certain cell phone or other useless piece of garbage. But everyone's got their little quirks, Kelly Ripa nonwithstanding.

Hope all of my reader(s) are doing well and that I'll actually have something to say in the upcoming months.